Relationship Realization #1

Sharing a personal entry from my stoic journal I wrote back in December.

18 December 2023 - For the longest time, I’ve equated an aspect of love with remembering. When your partner remembers the little things, it means they care, but when they don’t it means otherwise. Like when they remember important dates, it means they find those things important too.

Personally, I’d try to remember as many things as much as possible to show that person that I care. I know I can be forgetful at times so what I’d do is I’d write notes or reminders. I’d equate love with remembering to show that I pay attention to all their details. And I think I just got used to observing things that I’d suddenly remember even the most mundane and unimportant stuff like the shirt he wore to a party he went to a few weeks back.

Being with my boyfriend opened me up to a new definition of love. He forgets a lot of things, and for a while, I’d get hurt every time he forgets what we’ve talked about – be it our plans, agreements, stories, etc. But the more time I spent with him, the more he opened up the way I viewed his way of loving. While he does often forget, he’d suggest ways to meet me in the middle. He’d try to remember things his way–like when he suggested we set up a Google calendar so we could both remember the plans we made. He meets me in the middle; he knows how to compromise. And I think that’s one of the ways he loves me so well. He considers me. (Also I really appreciate the little ice cream surprise he did earlier - he’s kuripot at times but he’s also very generous. Story for another time.)

So while remembering things can mean a person cares, it can also just mean that they’re good at remembering. Just because people forget doesn’t mean they don’t care.